Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Rainy day at the desk, oh boy!

I have a good life, no doubt. But even the King of Spain must be on the throne once in a while and think, "Jeesh, now what?". I have a million things going round my brain, and I feel like a kid running around chasing soap bubbles, all blowing in different directions, all fragile and temporary, many about to pop into oblivion, and explode away forever. Maybe it's the anniversary of my late father's birth, or perhaps the rain and cold of impending Autumn, my mind and body still basking in sunshine on a beach listening to the surf, the gulls, the laughter of children as I drift in and out of sleep. Maybe it's the pile of tasks I have to accomplish so this good life can continue as it has, staring at me, mocking me and my stupor. Most pressing is web site minutiae, adding a search engine and prepping some pages for the next big thing we are doing in our career. It could be the studio upstairs calling me, begging me to remove the sheets covering the music-making equipment and get to the joy of making a new CD. It may also be my 50th year now catching up to me, reminding me of which side of life's hill I am on. Good thing I saw my counselor this morning, eh?

I am by all appearances as solid and steady a man as you will ever meet, a good boy with good manners and a good education who is a good and loyal friend. And I am that. But there is a side of me that craves excitement, change, danger, risk, and it is pushing at me from inside. I am sober, drug-free, gluten-free, but also adrenaline free, which is slowly eating away at me. This is not new, the struggle of my soul. And I LOVE the life I have, my marriage, my career, my children all bring me joy and great satisfaction. I only miss the edginess somehow, the challenges of the past. "Running with Scissors" is about my greatest thrill now, and that's not bringing me much joy. SO I must find a way to channel this need with a task. Making this business run well is one, but my limitations are so many, and I find myself distracted and impatient. Depression? Lazy? Overwhelmed? Yes, maybe, YES!

I read a great quote at a site run by a friend (http://www.craignco.com/jewels.php) about 4 great words: "This too shall pass." I know the truth of those words, and I do find solace in them. So I will get back to my desk work now, make the improvements to the website (http://www.peterandellen.com), and let this pass, as it surely will. Time heals all wounds, and I trust that about life. So see you soon, and keep smiling. Shoulders back, head held high, look up to the sky. And don't worry, this too shall pass!

1 Comments:

Blogger Jonh Neo said...

Hi He, yesterday I visited sallie mae student loan. maybe you will found some good the artilce site.
see you again, He

8:38 PM  

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